Only Humility Defeats Pride

Most of us know a proud person. Some of us have been one. When we run into that kind of pride, our first instinct is to answer it in kind.

We withhold praise and root for them to fail. We push back hard, convinced someone needs to put them in their place. It feels like justice. Usually it is just our own ego defending its territory. We become guilty of the sin we're judging them for.

It rarely works. For all its swagger, pride is fragile. It fights so fiercely because it cannot bear to be challenged. Attack it and the walls go up. Now there are two proud people in the room, and neither one is listening.

There is another way. It is often obvious what a proud person most wants to be recognized for. Praise them for it, sincerely, and something surprising sometimes happens. The armor cracks. They soften. For a moment, at least, they can hear you.

Watch this post-game press conference interview with the notoriously prickly NBA star Russell Westbrook. It illustrates the point. The praise punctures the pride. And for a moment we see a child-like smile. The usual facade drops. In an instant pride as a defense becomes an obvious absurdity. And so it temporarily flees the scene.

You can only do this if you are secure enough not to need the win. Epictetus was. When told that someone had spoken poorly of him, he answered that the man must not know his other faults, or he would have mentioned those too. He had nothing to prove and nothing to protect.

Pride doesn't defeat pride. Only humility does.